Saturday

3.32 am Log

It's late right now. Almost morning. But my eyes still don't close. Can't close. Many thoughts had came across my mind. My playlist is so nice right now and it help me with this unsettling feelings I've been bottled up since I don't know when. 

Sometimes just sometimes a thought, this particular thought came across my mind - what if I'll forever be alone?

Even I always said to myself, alone or not, I'll be fine as long as I achieve my dream. But sometimes just sometimes a side of me needs someone. Not friend. Someone as in a person. Partner? No not that. Special person? Sounds cheesy. Anyway sometimes just sometimes I feel like I need somebody.

Lately the thought about being in a relationship always come across in my mind. Like how do people start a relationship? From nobody to somebody? How people convey or expressing their feelings to their other half? What's the feeling of having someone to call to tell about your day? Is it fun? Does is feel nice?

Does it feel nice to having someone taking care for you? Does it feel that good when someone always come to rescue when you're sad? Like always the one to cheer you up? The one who will make you smile? The one that look at you like you're their world?

I wonder sometimes if I ever come across that person in my life. Or I'll forever, never ever being able to feel that? Ahhhh actually I should stop thinking about this. What happen, will happen anyway.

But hey, Im already at that age where I can having some kind of delusion and expectations when it comes to relationship. I'm over 20 what.... Haaaa but I guess that kind of things will not happen to me in this near future. I've many other commitment. But still... Wasn't it great to hv someone to go back to and find comfort in him? Yes I do hv family tho but since I'm too far from my family I guess that's the reason why I'm like this. Sounds like a desperate.

But I tell you the truth, I don't that desperate when it comes to having relationship. I don't even care if I'm not in one. It's just sometimes I'm having this lonely vibe. Don't blame me, I'm a human anyway. I do feel lonely.

Ugh it's almost 4am. I guess I need to sleep. I hope I hv a good dream tonight.

3.52 am log out.

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