Thoughts?
I have a lot but I tbh don't know where to start. Too many things. But at the same times I feel like I don't hv thought. Haha.
But I just feel like writing something. The previous post I was so mad of myself. I don't want to read that post again. Hahaha. But I wont delete.
It's just lately, I felt lonely? I used to do things alone but lately, I hate it. I dont know why and it happen so sudden. Is it because 'that' had intensifies?
Is it because I'm alive? Because my heart start beating again? Because I finally can open my heart to other? I really dont know which one comes first.
But one things for sure, I both hate and love this feels. It gives me hope but also disappoint me. I do things that I normally do because I want attention? Hahaha God I really dont believe that I do that.
Why? what is happening to me? Idk. It's both thrilling and cringe at the same time.
Haaaa I dont want to think but it makes me think also. I'm both being hopeful and helpless. Why did I turn into a lame high school girl that first time in love?
Wait, Love? I dont want to call that love. Maybe the correct term is interest? or maybe Like? its not love because ... just because. For sure it's not it.
But hey boy, I dont why, but i want to know more about you. I actually hate myself for having this interest but what can I do? only in this area, I cant control my feels. I can control everything but about this, I surrender. I tried to control but nope. It dont work. So i will just decide to play along until it wears out. I will just use the rational approach for it.
I hate it when my feeling control my mind. I feel helpless. But fuh this is challenging.
This holiday, I just hope I can clear my mind even a bit. because it's to stuffing here. So mixed feelings. I dont know anymore. I'm tired but keep having hope. Kinda pitiful aight? Hahaha I know.
But what to do? My brain dont want to cooperate with me this time...
I wish i can sort this all and get a clear glimpse of what is happening in my life right now.
I have a lot but I tbh don't know where to start. Too many things. But at the same times I feel like I don't hv thought. Haha.
But I just feel like writing something. The previous post I was so mad of myself. I don't want to read that post again. Hahaha. But I wont delete.
It's just lately, I felt lonely? I used to do things alone but lately, I hate it. I dont know why and it happen so sudden. Is it because 'that' had intensifies?
Is it because I'm alive? Because my heart start beating again? Because I finally can open my heart to other? I really dont know which one comes first.
But one things for sure, I both hate and love this feels. It gives me hope but also disappoint me. I do things that I normally do because I want attention? Hahaha God I really dont believe that I do that.
Why? what is happening to me? Idk. It's both thrilling and cringe at the same time.
Haaaa I dont want to think but it makes me think also. I'm both being hopeful and helpless. Why did I turn into a lame high school girl that first time in love?
Wait, Love? I dont want to call that love. Maybe the correct term is interest? or maybe Like? its not love because ... just because. For sure it's not it.
But hey boy, I dont why, but i want to know more about you. I actually hate myself for having this interest but what can I do? only in this area, I cant control my feels. I can control everything but about this, I surrender. I tried to control but nope. It dont work. So i will just decide to play along until it wears out. I will just use the rational approach for it.
I hate it when my feeling control my mind. I feel helpless. But fuh this is challenging.
This holiday, I just hope I can clear my mind even a bit. because it's to stuffing here. So mixed feelings. I dont know anymore. I'm tired but keep having hope. Kinda pitiful aight? Hahaha I know.
But what to do? My brain dont want to cooperate with me this time...
I wish i can sort this all and get a clear glimpse of what is happening in my life right now.
