I always wonder how heart work
Wasn't it fascinating that we don't even know how and when we fell in love.
It's happen in a flash.
I'm talking about myself.
I don't know how much I love until I lose it.
How fascinating it is that even after a year, my heart still ache the same.
For him, for missing him.
I feel sorry but somehow I just winder why.
I can still cry in memory of him.
But I can't let anyone know about this.
They will call me crazy.
Coz I can't move on.
Coz I can't let him go.
I do. I do want to let him go.
But somehow, in a way, I can't.
The picture won't fade, the memory stay intact.
I still get a dream of him.
I'm not complaining about it tho.
Somehow that was my medicine.
I can't never meet him again.
So meeting him in my dream is good enough.
I'm fine with it.
But...
I wish...
Maybe just maybe
I hope...
I wish...
I can see someone with similar face like him in this world.
Hahah I know it's impossible tho.
But someone has said that a person have seven identical face on Earth,
I don't think my wish is impossible.
But I'm pretty sure people would calling me crazy.
Yeah I know. Don't bother telling me that.
Ah... Even I tried liking others, or locking my heart from feelings,
Deep down I know.
I can't let him go.
I don't know why.
I don't know how.
I just don't know.
It's not like I can't. I do tried but it just makes me so scared.
Maybe because I used to think about our future together,
I used to imagine about me and him.
I only prepare my heart for him I guess.
But since the future I dream won't ever, never be realized,
Obviously I should change the person in my dream, in my imagination with someone else.
But that was just .... kinda impossible?
Maybe at this time. In the future I don't know.
I feel pathetic to be honest. I feel sad for myself.
Why my heart won't move? Why my heart won't beat for anyone else?
I wonder why my heart don't forget the things that... I should not be holding on.
My 7 years one-side love have ended a year ago.
Wasn't it already time to stop remembering him and let him go?
Or maybe it's partly because of me?
Because me, myself don't want to let go.
Even for a little longer, I still want to hold into this piece of memories.
Maybe...
Just maybe, holding into it is a way of coping.
I don't know really.
