This is a tale of a girl who lives inside a transparent room with a clear glass door. When she was still a kid, she use to believe that the outside must be a happy world since that is what she always saw from her transparent room. She used to believed that her upcoming live will be like those in fairy tale and a prince will come to her someday. She used to have a big dream.
As she grow up, she saw many things from inside her room. There are people who crying, become miserable, cracked and twisted. If she saw happiness, it will then slowly faded away.
Slowly, she become fear to step out of her room.
Slowly, those fear had turn into a life philosophy.
Slowly, she make her own definition about life.
Sometimes, happiness do come in her life. But it was not long as then it faded away and leaving a heartache behind. Even with those heartache, she still trying to believe in life and always said,
"It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay."
She tried to built friendship and relationship but...it seems like it does not work. Her life is still the same.
Her friendship was cracked. She does not know where was the wrong. She just want someone to lean on not the one to be lean on.
Relationship? It's far away from working. Everything seems to be far away from her. Even she reach out to that person, she just cannot reach him. No matter how many and how hard she tried.
But she still continue her life with a little believe in dream. She hope that dream can help her this time.
Because the room and door that used to be transparent and shiny now slowly turn into a darkness. Inside it have turn blurry. It's suffocating.
As she tried to chase her dream while forgetting the relationship and just cooping up with people that give her benefit only, she again fall. The dream that uses to shine have now turn blurr and slowly faded. She stared at the dusty door. Than she looks around her.
Ah... She just realized. The room has turn into a dark room with dusty door. And the most amazing part is, she became familiar with this kind of room. Even she cannot see her way outside, she still happy. Her new life philosophy,
"Expect less, hurt less."
That is what she believe right now and that will keep her moving forward. Moving forward? That's quite not a good choice of word. Maybe she can say that she just live her life. Following the things that have been decided. She does not have dream, friend and relationship to be looking forward into.
But no one know that deep inside, there is something that is called loneliness. This loneliness keep ask her to rebel and keep dragging her into darkness. She then close her heart, built a thick wall and never want to try to get out of that room. She start to feel sick with people. She want to be alone.
Is it hard to get someone who understand her?
Is it hard to get someone who can hugged her, give her comfort in her hardest time?
Is it hard to get someone who can always listen to her story and make her smile?
Is it that hard? Is it that hard?
She does not want much. Just someone who can give her strength. Someone who she can rely to.
She's crying, she's screaming in rage, she's hurting to the point she become imune to the pain, but no one knows. No one care. Now, she don't care anymore about life.
Maybe someday, someone will come to get her out of that room. She does not want to be in there forever but she does not have anymore strength left to clear the dust and make the door shines again and step out of it.
Someday, sometimes, someone will surely come to rescue.
At least she want to believe in that this time to keep her alive. For now, she will keep saying,
"Don't worry. It will be okay. Someone will come. Just believe in it this one last time."
